im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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