I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize