yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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