If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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