You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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