1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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