I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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