i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
