every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
