I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
