For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
