Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
