If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
