every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
