someone owes me an orgasm
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
time to smoke my breakfast
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
