I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
did you just send me my own nude
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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