Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
