oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
