hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
