do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
