She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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