what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
