i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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