sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Everything about him screamed your future.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
