You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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