Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
