i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
