yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We are all done wearing pants today
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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