I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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