but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
