I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
