I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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