i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
