More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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