i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
