I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
