I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
