If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
