Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
