Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
