You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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