So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
