I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
