i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
