If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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