when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
