Banned from zoo.
Again?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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