There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
