there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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