I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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