they said they heard you say put it in my butt
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
