It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's shark week go big or go home
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
