I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
