Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
