He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
