just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
