he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
