Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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