Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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