there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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