go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
