I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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