Where is the hickey?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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