mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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