I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize