I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
