Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
