i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
