What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
