In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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