I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
