Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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