let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
