Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
that may or may not have been my penis.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
