just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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