i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Vodka?
Forever.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
