She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
