What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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