we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
