roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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