You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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