She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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