the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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