How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
