You can't special order awesome
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
