Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
