dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
