i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
