I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
