ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize