the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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