Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I understand Curling. That high.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize