Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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