Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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