he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm having to shit out rocks
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