Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize