There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
