I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
