well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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