My friends, they love my intelligence
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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