y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I had to cum in my sink.
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