My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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