All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
