It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
