We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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