Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
