So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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