Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We are two peas in an std pod
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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