I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
